MLB: Bring Back Mrs. Lima's Hooters
To: Major League Baseball
On or about May 17, 2004, the Major League Baseball website posted a photo of Dodgers pitcher Jose Lima singing the national anthem, accompanied by his wife and son. The photo reflected all that was right about America: baseball, patriotism, and, most importantly, Mrs. Lima's enormous breasts.
On May 18, 2004, Major League Baseball cropped the photo, removing the lovely Mrs. Lima and her endowments, leaving nothing more than a photo of a scruffy guy with a 5.14 lifetime ERA.
We, the undersigned, are shocked and appalled at the actions of Major League Baseball. Mrs. Lima's winnebagos are as much a national treasure as the Grand Tetons, and deserve to be held up as a symbol of the greatness of our land of milk and honey. Those boobs at Major League Baseball must think that all fans care about is whether a player gets to second base. They fail to recognize that, deep within its bosom, baseball is a family sport. Baseball is more than just grabbing a bat off the rack and taking your licks at the plate-- it's about playing catch with your Dad, and sucking down a cup of beer at the park with Mom. With the ballooning attendance figures of the 1980s a distant memory, baseball needs to remember what the game is all about: family.
Major League Baseball: please return Mrs. Lima to her rightful place by her husband's side in your photo.
Sincerely,
The Undersigned
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