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Ask A Pro \  marriage woes

marriage woes

Ask A Pro Q & A
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replies 47
following 42
 
jumbo   +1y
follow these rules, and show them to your wives. Also, the best advice i can give is don't get a joint checking account, or if you do, get one for yourslef, too.

The Man's View

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all

numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it
down. You can handle it. We need it up; you need it down. You don't
hear
us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints
do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
questions.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask..

1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for
example is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea
what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing
is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you
don't want to hear.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss
such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks..

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping

crazygenius13   +1y
Originally posted by pisswasser



start a fire in the houseWinner!

gslif   +1y
Originally posted by sdime2372



follow these rules, and show them to your wives. Also, the best advice i can give is don't get a joint checking account, or if you do, get one for yourslef, too.

The Man's View

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. You can handle it. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every questions.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask..

1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever y

amen
marcus760   +1y
Originally posted by gslif



Originally posted by sdime2372





thanks for all the helpthis one sums it all up for me

follow these rules, and show them to your wives. Also, the best advice i can give is don't get a joint checking account, or if you do, get one for yourslef, too.

The Man's View

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. You can handle it. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every questions.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask..

1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best

4uh8rs   +1y
funny shit i love it
Uncle Fester   +1y
Missing Husband

Rick was in trouble He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE!!

The next morning, Rick got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.
jumbo   +1y
Originally posted by Uncle Fester



Missing Husband Rick was in trouble He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE!!

The next morning, Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.



LowOrange88   +1y
Originally posted by marcus760



dear max,when i ask my wife "what

what you should do:

"Ok then, well I'm gonna go watch TV then let me knwo whats for dinner."

"ok then, well I'm gonna goto Walmart/Home Depot/Lowes, call me when dinner is ready."

"OK then, I'm gonna go play video games, let me know what time dinner is."

"Ok then, I'm gonna go mow the grass, let me know what time dinner is."

Obviously I never say that shit, but just some ideas!
RARA   +1y
Originally posted by marcus760



dear max,when i ask my wife "what

Ah, The quiet before the storm
fatboysS1O   +1y
jumbo/fester, funny stuff!