joke thread

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms.

The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH! all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, How did it go? The first whispers back: It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection. The second dwarf shook his head. You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't
even get on the bed!

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

whys 6 afraid of 7????



cause 7 8 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA LOLOLOLOL

and i thought i needed sleep...lol

I got one....

A man in his late 20's goes out to a local bar to try and hook up. He ends up meeting this 45 year old woman. They get to talkin and drinkin and she ask him if he has ever had a "Sportsman Special"? He said he didn't know what that was. She told him it is when you have sex with a mother and daughter.

They go back to her place and he is all excited about what is going to happen, then she gets to the bottom of the stairs and yells up....

"Hey mom, you awake?"

an older man and older woman are sitting down for dinner, when the wife says "i think i want some breast implants,my breasts are looking a little old and tired." the husband says "why dont you rub toilet paper between them" to which to woman responds " how would that do anything??" then the older man replies with " well you been using it on your ass for years and look how big that got"

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little
boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his
mouth and asked,

"Do you know what it is?"

"No, I don't," said the little boy.

"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom
before he goes to work."

That's when a little girl at the back of the room yelled,

"Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!!"

lmfao those are pretty good!

A man and his wife are driving down the highway having a fight over the
husband sleeping with another woman. The wife takes out a knife and cuts of the
mans penis and throws it out the window. The penis splats onto the windshield of
the car that is following and rolls off. The 14 year old girl riding with her
dad says "What was that Dad?" The father says "It was just a bug honey". The
daughter replies "Wow Dad, that bug sure had a big dick".

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."